Self-Integration : aham (I)

Like marbles rolling all over a smooth floor. That’s how disintegrated some (many?) of us are.

A bit of us in the past ( regret/nostalgia/debugging ), a bit of us in the future ( dread/anticipation/planning ) and some in the present.

The bit in the present is again distributed all over the place to where we are not either with the aid of TVs cell-phones etc or with our own imagination/worry/pre-occupation….

The bit that is both here and now, is spread across the minds of others, picking up their thoughts/feelings/judgements and projecting our state onto them.

The presence of others forces us to alter our behaviour and speech to please and be acceptable to others. There are very few people with whom we can be ourselves. Even white lies/pretence and self-deprecation/aggrandisation cause us to shut off or suppress parts of ourselves.

People, places and times thus help us dis-integrate, and not be all-in-one complete and integrated.

For the kēvala bhāva of advaita, one has to integrate all of one’s selves into oneself.

  • Not worrying about what’s past or what’s next
  • Not worrying what others think of you or you of them.
  • Knowing and recognising how you feel, what you think, who you are.
  • Not sensationalising events or trivialising them.

Suddenly one thinks, Oh This is who I am and have always been. You suddenly realise who you are.

This is easier for beginners in quiet holy places. With practice, it should be possible anywhere and any-when. (Or All-Where and All-When).