Yesterday, in the presence of Kunda Guruji, I felt the same s’ama (peace) as I felt in viSNu sannidhi in mElkOTE.
“s’rIman nArAyaNa .., s’ama :
Wonderful and unusual as this trip was, the absolute pinnacle was the dars’anam of Sriman Narayana (Vishnu)himself. It was the most beautiful vigraha I have seen. My cousin told me that he and the priests had seen the vigraha move and blink on occasion.
What I did experience was an extraordinary stillness of mind. Absolute stillness, like I have experienced very, very rarely in my life. My cousin told me that this was also the most peaceful of all dars’ans for him.
So obviously, when I next met my veda guru I questioned her about s’ama and dama. Both mean peace.
But dama is a stillness of the indriyas or the sense organs. s’ama is a peace of the antahkaraNas or the inner sense organs. s’iva is called s’ankara (s’am + kara) , because of the s’ama that he can cause in others. The word s’Anti is derived from s’ama. My Veda Guru told me that the entire purpose of a temple is to create this feeling of s’ama in the devotees.” From : https://ancientindians.wordpress.com/2010/05/01/sama-dama-sama-in-melkote-narayana-sannidhi/
My son had told me that Kunda Miss was vidyA dEvI herself and I can’t say I understood him when he said it. I loved her and saw her as knowledgeable and loving.
She was Kunda Miss to us in school, since we used to add a “Miss” at the end of every teacher’s name to show that it was a teacher we were talking about. And that’s how we addressed her teachers, even the married ones. Now people add a ma’m at the end of the name. eg my students used to say satyA ma’m.
At the gurukula the tiny tots call her Kunda Miss and the older students and visitors call her Guruji. So on my blog you see the slow transition in my reference to her as kundA gurUji.
Yesterday was the first time I had seen her after my uncluttering of space, time, emotions and mind exercise that some of you have been following.
While my body may be described as weak to middling, I have taken a lot of care of my mind and exercised and toned it well. If you want to think of a pehlwaan of a mind, then mine would be one. I have a well-developed ‘buddhi’ – that part of the thinking mind (dhI) that has been taught.
When I first looked inward a few months ago, as I have documented, I saw an inner black tarry mess caused by all the self-denial and harm caused to myself. (Read I’m sorry!).
When I looked inwards a couple of days ago, I saw a thin white fog of “nonsense that’s enveloping my free inner self, that I want to shake off. It is stuff I have acquired with life – attitudes, thoughts, pain, impressions, self-image and that sort of thing, that I do not need going forward. It’s like those rocket stages, I needed it to get here, but now its a shell and its fuel is spent and I want to let it go.”(Read : About: The second morning walk)
Yesterday, I spent time letting go of that “mind-fog”, and focusing on the “I”, that is the “You” and the “Everything”, that is the paramAtma or Universal Self that I seek.
Then I called up kundA gurUji and went to see her with excitement in my heart to tell her all my little “news”, including telling her my story, “Thatha and the Magic Grain“.
I always have to tell her everything, without any care of whether it is relevant or interesting to her. My worries, ideas, my progress and so on. She liked the story, and the news that the blind girls had liked it too and the spirit of Sai Padma. (About : So Happy : Thatha and the Magic Grain : Braille Release : Pictures).
When I write on my blog it is with an idea, that my words might help someone. When I talk to her its just an uncontrolled, torrent of ideas, words and all that just have to come out. And I told her what my son explained : About : brahmagnyaana. She said he was right.
And then she spoke to me of one of her brothers, who was very similar to my son, and who “got it” without all the sAdhana that she had to put in.
I then told her that my son said she was vidyA dEvI and asked her whether there was any moment when her manas felt/recognised that she was vidyA dEvI! She suddenly reached out held my hand (very rarely does this) and asked me whether I too was not vidyA dEvI!
Then I described to her the s’ama and bliss that I felt for the first time in her presence, which my son always felt. He never feels the need for her to talk or teach. It is I who always engage with her mind.
Then this is what I said.
Just like some of my friends maintain a light body, people like kundA gurUji maintain a very light mind as well. She knows an old man (ajja), who maintains a zero-mind – manOrAhitya – (Read : Mano Rahitya – A state of absence of mind).
That mind is so fine and light as to be able to execute only what is necessary. Thus divinity shines through her mind and is as perceivable as it is in a temple or special place. My son’s mind also being light, he could instantly see that divinity, that paramAtmA, which he expressed as vidyA dEvI.
Now my mind by its deep involvement with samsAra, and extensive study of so many books related to a variety of subjects was like a thick curtain which stood in the way of my own perception of her.
I saw her as frail, as someone in need of my help. “I have to learn that I am not this rich patron of a pensioned high school teacher, but a grateful, dependent arthi of the highest knowledge in the world, Vedas, Vedangas and Brahmagnyana, being bestowed upon me with the greatest of love, patience, exactness and time.” (Read : My Veda Guru). I was possessive and protective and saw her as a person who had lost all loukika gnyaana. Some of few who have been patient and curious to follow my accounts of this journey (satya – antaraayana), can quickly recognise how far I have had to travel.
I have been weeding the garden of my mind (See : Weed the mind to become a Siva Kshetra). Finally I have cleared enough of a path to be able to see her as she is, not merely kundA gurUji, but kundA dEvI!
She said she could understand clearly what I was trying to say. I hope you can too!
It is nice and fun to see the world this way and not through the super-structure of the mind! And my memory is still there and my emotions and the maths and other stuff I learnt. But its in the ‘other rooms’ of this palace I have built for a mind, where a hut would be adequate! And I am out in the garden as it were, no longer trapped inside! (A poor analogy as usual! 🙂 ).
I am no longer enjoying writing these abhyAsa posts, so this will be my last one I think.
But I my mind will be thrilled if it comes to know that this series has helped someone, either now or in the future!
Sorry for disabling the comments, I know you have much to share – love, advice, criticism, appreciation, questions and so on – I am not yet ready for all that.
jai kundA dEvI